danielles brain exploding into a thousand pieces

so you want the 411 on the last two weeks...why my life has become ridiculous...well here it is...

work...oh dear wonderful work...

so our production manager left...and when she did she left everything in a mess...and no one knew what was going on...and me being her assistant was the closest connection anyone had to being informed about production...

so many issue and problems and disasters have come up in the last two weeks...which 3 of us have had to try and solve on our own with out knowing much of what is going on...and none of the work which i was originally doing has been done yet because im trying to solve all these other issues...plus i am now responsible for procedures i was never trained to do...

the owner tells me im being baptized with fire...my first time on the scene and im doing a million different things i dont actually know how to do...throw me off the cliff into the lake and see if i can swim...the past two weeks have definitely been a test as to whether or not i can do this job...or if i even like this job...

its almost inevitable that i come home in a bad mood everyday now...chad tells me to leave work at work but some days its so hard...i cant help but feel responsible for this company...like its a part of me and if i fail it im failing myself...im not a stranger to 10 hour days all of a sudden...i come in early...i stay late...even if im not paid to do so...cause for me...its not a matter of money...its a matter of getting the job done...of proving to people i will get it done...no matter what i have to do...even if its sacrificing my lunch or driving to 5 different contractors or staying late to do a cut order...

but now there is this pressure to get home early...to rush like mad...to stuff my face with food and then leave to participate in renovations...work is my mental workout...the condo is my physical work out...and i dont know how much more i can do of both...

im burning out...

i love the renos...i wish that was my only focus...i love the experience of it and learning from it and being able to sit back one day and now i had a hand in this creation...but like with everything these days its taking its toll on me...

i can feel my body beginning to give way...lack of sleep and no relaxation...frustration and excitement...problems and dilemmas...its seriously making me go mental...

i havent totally fallen apart yet...and i dont know if i will or not...but i constantly feel like im on the verge...so many things at once...so much stress...and sometimes i just dont think people understand...they think that i am young and i should be able to handle all of this and should stop complaining and just be in a good mood and make everything sunshine and loolie pops...maybe it will take me sick as a dog from stress to make them understand...

i hate having to justify the way i feel...like i need an excuse cause im not all smiles all the time...

so there it is...the last two weeks in a nutshell...and it doesn't look like any of this is going to let up any time soon...

maybe im being over dramatic...but seriously i dont care...

im just tired...but i will keep going...