life lessons

Monday night started off with a consultation with a photographer that both Chad and I loved. I first saw them at the wedding fair and knew I had to meet with them. After finding out they were free on September 6th I made every effort to set up a meeting. I was very excited to see what they had to offer and excited over the possibility of having them take our pictures.

I came away from the meeting on Monday completely in love. I got home to tell my parents all about it (since they would be the ones paying for it after all) and was sure they would see my excitement and follow suit. Not so much. Seeing as this was the first photographer I had met with they felt I should meet with more before making me decision, and rightly so.

But the thing with me is, as much as it sounds like an excuse it, the Italian in me makes me an extremely passionate person, as well, the exact opposite of that, a rage filled person. Meaning that my emotions can jump from one extreme to another in a matter of seconds. When I love something I love it to the fullest extent, and when I hate something or am mad there is just as much emotion put into that.

So in this case, my love for this photographer coupled with my parents less then enthusiastic reaction sent me in a spiraling fit of rage. And when you are filled with rage all rationalisation leaves your brain until you break something and come back to reality. Fortunately for everyone, my rage was surprisingly controlled and only last half an hour. The reason for all the drama was simply because the photographer said they were booking up quickly and if I wanted to use them I should book as soon as possible. This translated into my mind that I need to convince my parents to hand me over thousands of dollars ASAP so I could fulfill my passionate dream of having them take my pictures. No one else would do.

After my ridiculous over reaction I decided to be rational and create a list of 20 photographers with prices and packages as to show my parents that the photographer I wanted was being totally reasonable and that they should just follow my instinct to book them. Seeing as how much I wanted them to be a part of my day. Little did I know that this list would come in quite handy in the days to come.

So I went to bed that night with this awful feeling in my stomach over the way I reacted and pondering the possibility of loosing this photographer because I waited to long to tell them yes. All of this was quickly dispelled in the morning when my mom said I could go ahead and book them.

I was on cloud nine.

Tuesday and Wednesday went by with out a hitch. Paper work was filled out and I was breathing a sigh of relief that I didn't have to worry about booking a photographer.

But secretly in the back of my mind I thought to myself that this all happened way too easily. I barely did research and became so close minded to any other options. I began to worry that maybe I wasn't getting a good deal and I should have looked around more. But this was silenced by convincing myself that I went with my gut feeling and I shouldn't second guess myself.

The Thursday came.

To add to all this stress and emotion over booking things for the wedding, work was being a complete nightmare. Too many things were being asked of me and I was making myself crazy trying to make everyone happy. I was working late, running around, pulling my hair out of my head.

It was 4:30 on Thursday night when I was attempting to finish up some paper work for the administration office. Someone comes running in from the warehouse explaining that they are doing inventory tomorrow and I have to fix all these sample tonight because they need to be scanned tomorrow morning. So I comply and end up being at work until 6pm, only getting half of the job done.

I arrive home late and exhausted. My mom tells me the photographer called and to call him back. So I grab the phone and give him a call. Worst.News.Ever. It seems he somehow double booked the date and is in fact NOT available that day and want to know if there was any way I could move my wedding date. Excuse me. You want me to move my wedding date because you are an ass hat and somehow made a huge mistake. Well his phone died so I never got the answer. He apparently called back but my brother was on the phone. How could it be that he realized a week after my initial inquiry that he wasn't free that day. Do you not look at your calendar???

I was devastated. Not only because they screwed me over but because I felt betrayed. I was so excited to have them. I was ready to tell the world about how amazing their pictures were and how excited I was. All to be crushed. Now I had to start the process all over again. I was emotionally worn out.

I woke up feeling horrible. I was so mad by what had happened I couldn't even muster the strength to dress up today. I look like a bum.

Then I get to work only to find out that what I had to stay late to do the night before was actually a big waste of time (which I figured it was but didn't want to question anyones authority). Great, lets add fuel to the fire.

I am so emotionally and physically drained right now. My brain is fried and it is so god damn hot in this building right now I want to scream. I don't even have the energy to be mad anymore. I just want to forget it all and move on. I just want to find someone to replace and fix this mess. I just want this wedding planning to be done so I dont have to think and worry about it any more. Now I know why people want to elope.

The only thing I can think to myself is what was the point of all this? What lesson am I suppose to come away with? I work hard so that I am able to achieve and get what I want for it all to come to nothing.

Im just in such a negative spot right now. I needed to vent.